Some eat through the pain, some write about it, some jump into massive sporting challenges, some stay silent. Are any of these a right way or wrong way of grieving? I don’t think so.
Every relationship is unique and different and so the grief you feel is too. Personal and private… nobody really talks about it as it’s not theirs. It is mine to keep and it lives daily within me. There are constant reminders of it, a song, a phrase, a daughter card I know that I’ll never receive, grandparents in the park, photos, Christmas, family get togethers or lack of … always part of life, never aimed to offend but a reminder of the grief that I carry.
Does the grief load lessen with time? No, I don’t think it does… I just learn to live with it a bit better. It is part of me, I carry it with me. I still, years later from losing my mum and less so for my dad, have ups and downs. Sometimes I cry uncontrollably and unashamedly, sometimes I feel so gloomy I just want to stay in bed, sometimes I feel the pain is lessening, sometimes I am angry with everything, sometimes I smile and laugh again and other times I am totally overwhelmed by the loss. There is no textbook for grief, there is no way of knowing.
The waves come and they’ll continue to come. In a strange way, I accept the waves, as affirmation that the love I had/have for my parents is still there! But I do know that I’ll survive the waves of grief… they won’t stop coming but I know that I’ll be ok after they’ve been.
I see grief as proof and recognition for the deep love I have for my mum and dad. I miss them so much. That love will never go and so nor will my grief either. It will always be with me in one form or other but I am forever grateful for all the memories that I have of my time with them.